My Friend

I have felt sick to my stomach today for my friend Crys. Her son, baby Zack, is in the hospital today. Baby Z is friends with The Colonel (they are only one day apart) and is the little brother of Alexa. Alexa passed away in June from an unidentified lung infection (she had neuroblastoma) and Natalie wears her necklace and talks about her all the time.

Baby Z has had something going on for a while now, but the doctors have not known what it is. I remember those days of not knowing what was wrong with Natalie. The only thing I knew for sure in my gut was that SOMETHING was wrong and we needed to know what it was. I know this is how my friend has been feeling for some time now....it is a hard place to be. With the loss of Alexa, it makes this is all the worse. I remember telling myself when we didn't know what was wrong with Natalie, that if is was really serious something would eventually happen to reveal what was going on. For Baby Z that thing is a lump that appeared under his chin that tripled in size within a day.

About five weeks into Natalie's first hospital stay, our church and family held a special prayer and fast for Natalie. Natalie had just gotten out of the hospital and the doctors were hopeful that she was on the mend. She had some slight improvements in her blood counts. Within a day or two after the fast for Natalie, she got a fever and ended back up in the hospital. Her platlets (which had been normal up to that point) were finally dropping. Enough new clues were present to proceed with the bone marrow biopsy. Later, a friend from church told me that when she heard the news about Natalie's diagnosis just days after the fast was done for her; that she felt horrible and said that she couldn't help but think the thought, "well, I hope no one ever fasts for me in that situation."

I can still remember my eyes filling with tears and explaining to her what a blessing it was to finally know. We knew SOMETHING was wrong and as much as it hurt to know what it was...we needed to know. Today as I think of my friend, I know she needs to know, and I know this lump is the catalyst to an answer. But, I can't help but be scared for her and the answer.

It is weird, because all the emotions I am feeling for my friend are tied up with my own memories and feelings. I hate to see my friend having to go through more heartache. I know this experience is all muddled with all she has seen and been through as well. From the time we met, I have had such a strong feeling that we were supposed to meet and be friends. The friendship of one who has been where you have been (and more) and is like you in many ways is not something you find very often. My heart is aching for her today, as it has over these last eight months since Alexa passed away. I love that little Baby Z so much. Yesterday I had to drop something off at her house and I left Stephen in the car with David. When Natalie and I came back out, I saw that he had been crying the entire time I was inside. I thought it was because I left...nope. I got back in the car and he kept crying with his arms stretched out and said something that sounded like a Z. I know he was upset because he didn't get to see his friend.

Baby Zack needs prayers right now.